


Baby Steps

by bioticbootyshaker



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:25:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioticbootyshaker/pseuds/bioticbootyshaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Still grieving for his husband, Steve finds comfort in an unexpected place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** No Time For Flowers  
>  **Fandom:** Mass Effect  
>  **Pairing:** Kaidan/Steve  
>  **Rating:** M  
>  **Warnings:** Nudity, sexual content  
>  **Disclaimer:** Mass Effect (c) Bioware  & EA
> 
> Requested by anon on tumblr for Kaidan Porn Week. :)

Kaidan knew something about loss, though not to the extent Cortez did. Really, were there comparisons that could be made? Losing a friend, losing a lover, losing a husband... every loss cut like a knife. Not to the bone, but to the _heart_ , plunging and twisting until you couldn’t breathe or move or even _think_.

He knew what it was like to watch someone you cared for sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Ash had done it on Virmire, Thane on the Citadel, Mordin on Tuchanka, all of them realizing that their own lives wouldn’t be felt across the galaxy -- they would be felt only in a few hearts, only for as long as those hearts kept beating.

Steve had learned something about his husband in the moments before he had died. Instead of seeking safety he had chosen to call him, to warn him, to spend his last moments listening to the voice and the breath of someone he loved more than anyone else. It was something Kaidan had trouble understanding, something that he had been struggling to understand for a while. Finally, though, he _did_ understand. Sometimes love wasn’t enough, but sometimes it was the only thing that mattered. It was the only thing that kept them trying. 

“You know, Commander,” Kaidan said to Shepard, “I might go down to the shuttle bay, see if the guys down there need any help.”

“Are you making an excuse to stop getting your butt kicked at cards, _Spectre Alenko_?” Shepard asked, flashing Kaidan a grin. Yes, that was part of it, but the other part was something Kaidan wasn’t comfortable speaking of. 

“Well, last time we played I cleaned you out, _Commander_. You’ve been letting James teach you when I wasn’t looking.”

Shepard shrugged, his grin softening to a smirk. “No comment.”

Kaidan didn’t want to know what that smirk meant. Was Shepard doing something more with Vega than letting him teach him poker? Kaidan mirrored Shepard’s shrug and left. It was really none of his business. 

****

“Major,” Cortez said, straightening and arming sweat off his brow. He offered Kaidan a confused smile, shifting uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure if he should salute or offer shake Kaidan’s hand.. Kaidan made the decision for him, offering him his hand. 

“You don’t... I mean you don’t really have to be so formal,” Kaidan said, “Galactic war it’s... It kind of makes titles a little unnecessary. Kaidan’s fine.”

“Kaidan,” Steve said, flushing a little. “Sure. Did you, uh, did you want something? I mean I’m not trying to say I don’t want you hanging around or anything. I just--- I’ll shut up now.”

“Smooth, _Esteban_ ,” James said. He strutted over -- Kaidan imagined that was just the way Vega walked, as though he had to convince everyone he was this super smooth, super confident soldier instead of the scared kid Kaidan knew he actually was -- and slapped Kaidan on the back. “How’s it goin’, Major? Man, it’s always weird to see you or the Commander down here with us grunts.”

“Speak for yourself, James,” Steve murmured, “I’ve never been a grunt.”

“Damn, no offense,” James said, grinning at Steve, “But you kinda are.”

“You know, we all started at the bottom,” Kaidan said, “It took a lot of hard work to get where we are today. And the two of you... With the right work ethic and the right amount of time you could move up.”

“Yeah, unless the galaxy is destroyed by the Reapers,” James muttered.

“That does kind of throw a wrench in the works,” Cortez agreed.

“‘Sides which,” James said, “I already got an offer to go into the N7 program.”

“Yeah, Shepard mentioned that,” Kaidan said, “Congratulations.” He held out his hand and Vega seized it, pumping it roughly. Jesus, the guy didn’t know how to do anything gently. If he and Shepard were getting together, Kaidan thought it was a perfect match. They would either bulldoze their way to the end of the war together, or they’d kill each other. 

“Speaking of _Loco_... You leave him alone up there?”

“Yeah. He was gloating too much. Someone’s been teaching him how to play poker... Dunno who though.” Kaidan side-eyed James, smirking a little, and James laughed, scratching behind his ear. “Hey, he’s my Commander, Vanilla. Gotta make a little effort to get on his good side. Think I might sneak up there and give him a late-night lesson. Ain’t no way he’s gonna get any sleep anyway.”

“Well, make him try,” Kaidan said as James jogged towards the elevator. “You know, he’s not a kid anymore, he’s got to try and take better care of him---” The elevator doors closed and Vega was gone. Wasn’t that just the way of things? Kaidan commanded the respect of a housefly. 

“Couple weeks now,” Cortez said, sitting down on one of the crates. “James says nothing’s going on, but he comes back here pretty exhausted.”

“Could just be... I don’t know... working out... you know,” Kaidan said.

“Smells like sex,” Cortez laughed, “Been a while Major--- Ah, Kaidan, but it hasn’t been _that_ long.”

Most people who had come down there with the express purpose of getting a little closer to a certain Lieutenant might have asked him how long it had been; or they might have made an off-color remark about how they wanted to end his dry streak. Kaidan had never been smooth, so he settled for sitting beside Cortez and staring at the far wall.

“You’re an honest guy, Major,” Cortez whispered.

“Kaidan,” Kaidan said.

“Right. Kaidan.” Cortez flushed and chewed on his lower lip before rushing out and saying, “You’re an honest guy. You’d tell me the truth. You’d tell me what you think our chances are. If you think there’s even a chance we could actually do this.”

“You know, I had a lot of time to just... _watch_ Shepard. And... yeah. I think we can do this. He’s bringing everyone together, doing a lot of good, and trying his damndest to make sure we survive down there. We can’t... We can’t get distracted by pessimism.”

Cortez chuckled. “You don’t know me well at all, do you, Kaidan?”

“Might like to know you better,” Kaidan said.

Did he say that out loud?

Cortez’s hand was on his knee. 

Must have said it out loud.

“A little fast,” Kaidan whispered when Cortez’s hand slid up his thigh.

“End of the universe can make a guy impatient,” Cortez said, “Can’t really expect to get flowers and candy.”

“I was thinking about your husband,” Kaidan said. Cortez drew his hand back, turning away from him. He was crying, which was the opposite of what Kaidan had wanted. “I was thinking... you know... there’s not enough of that in the world. At least... Damn, this sounded a lot better in my head, but... There’s not enough of that in my life. There hasn’t been. But... What I want to say is that I _want it_. I _want_ someone to fight for. I _want_ someone to come back to. I _want_ someone to... To just _be there_ and trust in me and let me trust in them. And I couldn’t... I could never come close to being to you what he was, I know that, I just---”

“You talk a lot, Major,” Cortez said. He turned back to Kaidan, wiping at his face with the back of his hand. He reached out and took Kaidan’s hands, brushing his thumbs over his knuckles. “I don’t think it’s supposed to be a contest. I really don’t think that Robert would want me to sit here and compare you to him. Do you know what he’d be saying to me right now?”

“What?” Kaidan asked. He swallowed. The air was suddenly hot and electric. He tried to look everywhere but Steve’s eyes, and he failed. 

“‘ _Why aren’t you kissing him, Steve? He’s cute_.’” Cortez chuckled. “And he’d be right. You _are_ cute, Major. Kaidan.”

“So kiss me,” Kaidan said.

Holy hell did he say _that_ out loud?

Steve was kissing him.

Must have said it out loud.

Kaidan got so lost in the kiss that he hardly felt Cortez rubbing him through his pants. When he finally noticed, Cortez was slipping down to his knees and unbuttoning his trousers. Kaidan wanted to tell him he didn’t have to do that. He wanted to tell him that when he’d said he wanted to know him better he hadn’t meant sexually, or at least not _only_ sexually. He wanted to tell Steve that he was happy enough to sit with him, to talk with him, to kiss him and know that there was someone in the galaxy who _needed_ him.

Instead Kaidan watched him, lifting his hips as Cortez pulled his pants down. He leaned down and rubbed his face against Kaidan’s crotch, teeth and tongue toying with his cock through his boxers. 

It had been a while for Kaidan too. He moaned, digging his nails into Cortez’s scalp. Cortez chuckled, though the noise was a little throatier and sexier than his earlier laughter. He licked at the spot of pre-come forming on Kaidan’s underwear, sucking roughly on the shape of his cockhead under the fabric.

He enjoyed the attention but it wasn’t enough. 

Kaidan reached down and tugged at his boxers, freeing his cock before Cortez’s mouth was wrapped around him, tongue wiggling against his throbbing skin. Kaidan’s breath caught. He dropped his head back and dragged his nails from Cortez’s scalp to the back of his neck. 

“Like that, Major?” Cortez asked, breath hot against Kaidan’s cock. His tongue pushed against his cockhead, licking up his pre-come. Cortez hummed low in his chest, hand squeezing around Kaidan’s cock and stroking slowly. 

Kaidan pulled Cortez up and kissed him. He kicked out of his boots and tried to maneuver himself out of his pants and boxers. They tangled around his feet and Kaidan broke the kiss, swearing under his breath. 

Cortez pulled his pants and boxers off, laughing and kissing his way from Kaidan’s mouth to his jaw. Kaidan pulled off Cortez’s shirt, licking across his collarbone and chest, forcing the man to stand so he could shift his tongue and lips a little lower. 

“Mmmajor,” Cortez groaned, clutching at Kaidan’s hair. Kaidan kissed down his stomach until there was fabric under his lips. He pulled Cortez’s pants and underwear down, not bothering with being as teasing or torturous as the Lieutenant had been. Kaidan prided himself on being a patient man, but there were certain circumstances where it felt unnecessary. 

He hadn’t lied to Cortez. He wanted to know him, he wanted to know _everything_. He wanted to know what kind of pain he carried around with him. He wanted to know how Cortez started his day, what he thought about when he was working, what he wanted to do when they handled the Reapers and saved Earth. Kaidan wanted to know what Cortez dreamed of when he closed his eyes at night, what kept him going through all of the pain and heartbreak and hopelessness and despair. 

Mostly, at that moment, Kaidan wanted to know what Cortez looked like when he got his dick sucked.

Baby steps. 

Kaidan had this idea in his head of what it would be like. He imagined Steve would last a while, that they could steal up to Kaidan’s private quarters to finish what they’d started. Bobbing his head on Cortez’s cock, letting his tongue work on the underside and around the slick head, Kaidan imagined a number of things. Silk sheets, roses, candles, maybe a nice bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy. They would fall together, a tangle of limbs, lips locked, skin flushed, everything hot and desperate and _alive_.

Cortez groaned and clutched the back of Kaidan’s neck, thrusting against his mouth. He came down Kaidan’s throat without so much as a warning, and all of Kaidan’s ideas and expectations went out the window.

“Told you it’s been a while,” Cortez panted. His knees were trembling and he moved to the floor, resting his face against Kaidan’s thigh. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no, it’s... Really, no, that’s fine. Don’t be,” Kaidan said. He sounded moronic to his own ears. Was that how he _always_ sounded? No wonder Shepard liked to tease him so much.

Kaidan ran his fingertips over the back of Cortez’s neck. Cortez sighed and grabbed Kaidan’s cock, half-hard after lack of attention.

“Steve, really, you don’t have to. Come on. We’ll just... We’ll just talk okay? That’s really what I wanted to do in the first place. I mean, you know, it’s not like I didn’t want to... I’ll just shut up now.”

Steve smiled and kissed the inside of Kaidan’s thigh. 

“Galaxy might be about to be destroyed,” Steve said, “But I think I can spare a few minutes to talk.”

“Good,” Kaidan said, “That sounds like some optimism.”


End file.
